i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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