I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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