I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
