It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
