so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
