There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
