i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
