Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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