I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
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i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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