MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
