I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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