Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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