I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize