When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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