My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
