so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
