jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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