Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
