dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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