Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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