Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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