woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
