I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
