this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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