I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
