They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I yelled at your uterus for you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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