just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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