Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
