No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
