I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
