my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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