I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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