Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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