all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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