By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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