i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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