I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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