I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
