Plan B is the new Plan A
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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