Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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