He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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