Me too!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
