I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
