U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
