the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
