Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize