Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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