Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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