How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
