I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just tell him i said nine months
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
