after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
