I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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