bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
