There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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