We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
