Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
