I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
