Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
