just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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