That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think i have two assholes
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
