Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
