apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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