Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
