Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
