Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
