Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I love you.
Bad choice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
