I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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