She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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